Carnegiea

Literary Magazine

Don’t Think, Just Do

By Lola Martinez

Twangy guitar breeds memories that aren’t mine
But I pretend that they are

A lonely thought
Does nothing
Until you paint it

I suppose it’s just easy to call this thought “you”
Even though it’s
Really nobody

Not even me

Level headedness forbids equivalence between thought

And feeling.

But really
What the hell is the difference?

Songwriting and poetry are my mediums toward understanding myself and the world around me. I throw up on a page and whatever I read back is what I’m meant to know, and to me, that’s magic. I have a YouTube channel (Lola Sings) that I post my original songs on, and I was really excited to bring this poem to the table because my poetry isn’t something that many see, unlike my music. This is a poem I wrote about art.

the clown

By Justin Sims

05/01/19, 12.33
i am bobo the clown.
my words are meticulously chosen,
never naturally occuring
for fear of the consequences of speaking the truth.

i am bobo the clown.
every semblance of what i am, what i have grown to be,
all stem from the deeply rooted trauma of my past.
i have been drained, my personality nothing but a happy-go-lucky facade,
tested and perfected after years and years
of preventing my deepest and darkest feelings from ever manifesting on my tongue.

i am bobo the clown.
the me that i choose to show the world
is a far cry from the me within,
the one that desperately fights for a voice,
the one that whimpers and begs to be heard;
the one that gets crushed oh so easily
by my ever present fear of being a social nuisance.

i am bobo the clown.
the phony smile, the fictitious sound of laughter,
those six words, “no, i’m okay, i’m just tired”,
decree the laws of the land
like some tyrant monarch,
while the peasants that are my true feelings
suffer the consequences of starvation,
understimulation, being forced to uphold
the will of the king.

i am bobo the clown.
my true feelings cease to retain any meaning,
for the emotions of others are held to a much higher standard than my own.
so long as they don’t see me cry,
so long as they don’t emit the dreaded, “are you okay?”,
so long as i am not pressed into confronting the true me,
i can go on living forever
as the comic relief,
the bumbling idiot,
the clown.

untitled

by Eden Squires

Realized

By Maggie Mirto

Realized is the final piece of my series that explores the beauty of non-traditional gender expression, especially as it relates to male femininity and fashion as a means of empowerment. I detailed a journey from shy experimentation to bold, seductive style to tranquil acceptance. Although this subject’s dress is not particularly flashy, his pose exudes a feminine grace as he gestures towards the sky. He has reached complete understanding of himself and triumphantly carries himself into the future.

Bashfulness

By Mamie Watt

you’re my sunflower

By Lily Morales

The Smoker

By Tate Harper

I created this piece because I enjoy sketching people I don’t know or recognize, and I wanted to immortalize them through art. I also enjoy drawing pleasing symmetrical facial features, since it makes the art pleasing to look at.

Closure

By Elizabeth Young

I have days
Where I imagine how it would go.
You ask me if I’ve ever been in love.
Yes. Once. With you. When I was young. And Naïve.
When I didn’t know the difference between love and lust.
Want and Need.
When I didn’t know how it felt to actually be in love. I still don’t.
But I continue to try and create a new ending for your answer.
One that doesn’t end with me in tears-
Gasping for air.
As I finally feel what little part of my heart I still had leave me.
When I finally become numb.
So I finally ask you – Have you ever been in love?
And I don’t mean the drink yourself to pity love.
I don’t mean the stay up into 3 am love.
I don’t mean the moaning and thrashing love.
I mean the soul crushing love that makes you feel like you can’t breathe.
I mean the earth shattering love that leaves you aching for a relief when they’ve left you.
I mean the kind of love you’ve never felt before.
I want to know if you’ve ever healed instead of hurt.
Have you ever tried to change yourself for another person?
Tried to break your bones to fit in the mold they’ve built for you?
Have you ever seen the potential in a person before you’ve seen them for who they really are?
You have never felt your soul collapse on itself like you forced mine to.
You have never felt the ache of your own knife.
I try and create a different ending to our twisted Grimm fairytale-
But in the end I know
I am the unhappy ending
And you will continue to live-
Untouched by the pain you have created in people.
But god,
You have never felt love either.
That is what keeps me afloat.
That is what keeps me reading our story and expecting a different ending.
That is my closure.

i wanted to put the best and worst people I’ve met into something everyone can feel and can relate to. The emotions can in no way be put on to a sheet and feel the full effect but i feel as if i got somewhat close with this.

Summer’s Challenges

By Maggie Kropog

I knew before leaving Florida this summer that i needed to get a picture of the sunset, these are only a few of the many 5 am sunsets on the Gulf of Mexico.

Untitled

By Luis Esquer

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Carnegiea Magazine